Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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