I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
