I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this boner is exhausting
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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