I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
