You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
