That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
