Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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