Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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