We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
