I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
