Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
