I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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