Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
