My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
