i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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