I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
