Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
