She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
