You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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