first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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