just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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