After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
