I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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