I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
