I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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