Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
