i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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