I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
