Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
