apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
