fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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