That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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