she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
