it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
