I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How does it feel to date your dad?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
