Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
