You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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