Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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