ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
