I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
