I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
