Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
