Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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