like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
