PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
