As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
