He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
