I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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