So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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