i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
